100 Ways to Kill Lauren Reed
by triggercini
Summary: The title says it all. One night Lauren is resurrected... She won't really die again until she is killed 100 times! What a pain! Who other to do the job then our fave CIA agents? HIATUS: Will update when inspiration strikes
1. First Killing: Press the Dog Button!

**A/N**: Blah, rewrite back from hiatus you know the story… I'M BACK! And actually if you're reading this now I am actually updating this 6/23/07… I've come back around to the Alias fandom for another go, and with a new found hatred for Lauren I am back. Actually, when I wrote this I only vaguely knew about her but I have actually seen most of the third season now and I can truly say I REALLY hate her now. Muahaha. No I don't have anything against the actress that played her or anything at all but the way the writers made her… They made it so that it was ok for you to hate her… so… there. :D Their faults. And reading this over again with a renewed 10th grade mind I realized I made some mistakes so this is REVAMP version 2. Not much different at all, just fixing typos and such…

IF you are going to read this, remember this is a parody and is not to be taken seriously. I have seen the show and personally own the golden Seasons 1 and 2 DVDs and know who these characters are. The way I'm gonna portray them here will most likely be extremely OCC. And many things that'll happen will absolutely NOT make sense as this story will encounter maybe dozens of random crossovers… That said, let the show begin!

**100 Ways to Kill Lauren Reed**

**First Killing: Press the Dog Button!**

It was a silent night in San Francisco. Everything appeared normal as usual, the same adults driving back from a hard day of work, same people giving their dogs a late night walk. Unfortunately today was a little different… through all the normal business surrounding the night an ugly silhouette that looked like a deranged, pasty faced ghost appeared, heading for the nearby San Francisco Graveyard. Some could be heard yelling "VAMPIRE!" as she passed by but the woman was too dim-witted to care. The strange "woman" slipped into the graveyard intending to carry out her little job.

"Boy, come to think of it I have died a lot…" whispered the transparent woman as she stepped pass the sleeping graves. The creature passed by a street light revealing her as none other than Paige Halliwell. The often hated long lost Charmed One. Paige peered around at the myriad of dead people and randomly burst out laughing.

"But really, how many times has Piper died? SIX?" Paige chuckled at her stupid thought and stopped her strut near a small gravestone. Apparently, she was trying to see if she could resurrect a dead person. Paige stooped down and slowly read the miniature epitaph.

_**HERE LIES LAUREN REED**_

_**A CRAZY BITCH THAT**_

_**TRIED TO MURDER US**_

_**ALL.**_

_**MAY YOU BURN IN HELL!**_

_**(Signed: Syd, Vaughn, and many people.)**_

"Wow, what a sad sight," sighed Paige as she stood back up. She smiled. "I didn't know Prue was hated so much!" Paige laughed stupidly. _Everyone will love me so much for bringing back this bitch! I'll finally be the favorite sister! _With this thought the witch took out a few objects and placed them on the soil. She started to chant, "100 lives this person will have, bring this person back from the dead!" Paige shouted. She stepped back half expecting a zombie of Prue to come out of the grave. 5 hours later she finally reached the obvious conclusion. It didn't work.

Paige's lower lip quivered with anger.

"DAMMIT I THOUGHT IT WOULD WORK!" Paige pouted for another good 20 minutes before white lights appeared behind her pissed off form, materializing into none other than Leo, Phoebe, and Piper.

"PAIGE, YOU ASS! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" fumed Piper. She stepped forward pulling Paige by the ear. "How many times do I have to tell you? You can't leave the house after 8 P.M.!" She started pulling on her ear so hard Paige lost her balance and fell on her face.

"OWCHIE!"

Phoebe glared at Paige in disbelief. "Are you trying to resurrect Prue again!" She looked at the gravestone with the witchy objects on it.

"Er, yes?" squeaked Paige.

"Okay missy you are coming home right now!" Leo intervened as he grabbed Paige and orbed out, conveniently leaving Piper and Phoebe no way of getting back to their pretty pink house.

"Well I guess we'll have to take a taxi…" sighed Phoebe.

"Leo you better get back her right now or I swear we are getting divorced!" Piper hollered so loudly a car alarm went off a few hundred yards away. "ARGH!"

"Whoa, whoa Piper calm down!" Phoebe whispered. She looked down at the grave Paige was just enchanting and gave a small gasp. "Wait a minute… look at this Piper!"

"What?"

"This is definitely not Prue's grave," said Phoebe, pointing to the small tombstone.

"Hey you're right," answered Piper, finally cooling down. "Hopefully her spell didn't work because this person is obviously very much hated." said Piper, reading the harsh writing.

"Oh well, not our problem! Let's go," exclaimed Phoebe with a smile.

"Good, cause' this place is starting to give me the creeps!" Piper shivered at the thought of the thousands of dead bodies surrounding them.

With that the Charmed Ones left the scene. A few scant moments later a hand popped out of the grave, followed by another hand and a head.

"Must… kill… Bristow…" said the head of Lauren Reed.

Worms and sodden soil flung everywhere as Lauren jumped up from her grave, dusting off her new self. Rather than her dirty appearance she looked relatively normal.

"Where the hell am I?" Lauren looked back at her tombstone. "Did I die?" She read the last line. "SIGNED: SYD, VAUGHN, AND MANY OTHER PEOPLE," She stood there shaking with anger. She looked back down at her grave and realized, "YOU ASS HOLES DIDN'T EVEN BUY ME A COFFIN? YOU PEOPLE ARE SO GONNA GET IT NOW!" She jumped out of her grave and headed for the nearest airport.

**Back in LA… (at APO) **

Sydney Bristow walked past a speeding subway to a red, rusted door. She looked around carefully, then inserted her entrance card into a card reader. The door opened allowing her access. She walked into APO, the new black ops division of the CIA. She was damn proud of it. Well mostly proud of it…

"Stupid Sloane…" she muttered under her breath. She walked pass the bright illuminated cubicles and came to her own. Sydney slowly sank into a squishy leather chair and turned on her computer. "Hopefully there isn't a mission today…" she sighed as she checked her email. Suddenly, a very attractive man with green eyes came around the corner to greet her.

"Hey, Syd." greeted Vaughn, smiling at the dark haired spy.

"Hey yourself." answered Sydney. She looked up at him. "Is there a mission today?"

"Well no…" replied Vaughn looking at the security camera sets. The man suddenly let out a very unmanly holler. "HOLY SHIT!" screamed Vaughn. He pointed a shaking finger at the TVs. "It's… It's…" spluttered Vaughn. He started babbling like an uneducated caveman and even started sucking his thumb.

"Spit it out already Vaughn!" yelled an exasperated Sydney. She turned to look at the screens and her jaw practically fell off at what was on the screen.

"Oh, holy friggin' SHIT!" exclaimed the usually cool spy. She ran out of her cubicle leaving Vaughn still pointing at the screens blubbering like an idiot.

Sydney sprinted into Sloane's office. As much as she hated him this was urgent.

"SLOANE, LAUREN'S BACK FROM THE DEAD!" Sydney yelled as soon as she reached Sloane's desk. "She's right at the door!" she panted from the quick sprint and pointed to the direction of the security cameras.

"Sydney, is this some kind of joke?" laughed Sloane. He was sitting at his desk looking very smug and amused before Sydney yanked him out of it by his arm and led him away. "Agent Bristow, if you don't let go of me at once just for a silly prank…"

"No! It's quite real I assure you!" Sydney yelled once more. She dragged Sloane to where Vaughn was and showed him the cameras. Low and behold there stood Lauren, with a giant axe. She reared back and heaved the heavy object into the APO entrance door.

"Oh god what has the world come to." muttered Sloane. By this time everyone there was looking weirdly at the screens. Vaughn was huddled up in a corner sucking his thumb while Nadia and Weiss got some guns ready, eager to kill Lauren… again. Even Jack Bristow watched the scene intently trying to think of any logical reason Lauren came back and even how on Earth she knew about APO in the first place.

"Sydney, bring out the dogs." ordered Sloane looking astonished at Lauren's resurrection and stressed at the same time.

"Sir… When did we have dogs?" asked the spy asked quizzically.

"Just press the big red button that says DOGS on it!" ordered Sloane again. He rubbed his temples and sat down on a nearby chair.

Sydney pressed an out of place red button grumbling at the former SD-6 leader. Sure enough 20 big germen shepherds jumped onto the security screen tearing Lauren apart.

"Ouch that has got to hurt," Nadia winced looking at the screen. She and Weiss put their guns away, sad they didn't get any action.

The screen finally cleared of the raging hounds revealed a ripped apart Lauren with limbs detached and obviously very much dead. APO started cheering for the death of Lauren once again.

"Is it over?" Vaughn gets up out of his fetal position. "is my x-wife dead again?"

"Yes Vaughn your x-wife is dead again" replied Sydney incredibly bewildered and embarrassed at Vaughn's crack up.

"Oh thank the lord!" He looked back at the screen then yelped. Lauren was again standing there with tons of dead dogs around her. "You think these dumb pooches could kill me? I'LL BE BACK!" She yelled into the camera somehow smashing her ugly face into it. "99 MORE TIMES BEFORE I'M TRULY DEAD AGAIN!" Lauren laughed manically into the camera before running off to who knows where.

"This is so not good…" says Sydney, staring after the crazed woman.

**TBC…**

**A/N: **I think I wrote this in 7th grade sometime… Huh. I spelled Sloane wrong.. How horrible. Well it's fixed now! Well the typos at least…


	2. Second Killing: Paint and Electricity

A/N Thanks for the nice reviews:D Got any suggestions of killing Lauren? they are greatly appreciated!

**100 Ways to Kill Lauren Reed**

**Second Killing: Paintballs and Electricity**

Sydney, Vaughn, Nadia, Weiss, and Marshall were having a little get together and Sydney's house. After the insane Lauren fiasco the other day the group really needed a nice, normal break. The guys were pretty much getting drunk on beer while watching some "football" while Sydney and Nadia talked in the kitchen.

"So Syd, think of any good ways of killing Lauren?" Nadia asked while she put a popcorn bag in the microwave.

"Well of course! There's impaling with a spear, burning at the stake, and my own favorite melting in a marshmallow vat! How do you think she came back anyway?" answered Sydney. She took an apple and took a big bite out of it.

"Hell probably got so annoyed with her it spat her back onto our laps for us to deal with!" laughed Nadia. The popcorn began popping really loudly.

"Sounds a lot like that Barbosa guy from Pirates of the Caribbean," Sydney looked at the guys on the couch who were supposedly watching "football." "Oh geez…"

"What?" asked Nadia. She took the now inflated bag of popcorn out of the microwave and walked over to where Sydney was.

"The guys are watching Teen Titans!" Syd sighed and started to walk out of the kitchen to smack the guys.

Nadia stuffed a handful of popcorn into her mouth and followed pondering on ways of killing Lauren and also picking up a video camera.

**In the Living Room**

"Dude Raven is SO HOT!" yelled Weiss as he watched some cartoon action flip out on the screen.

"No way, Starfire is way hotter!" countered Marshall sounding very geeky.

"Sydney is way hotter than both of them!" Vaughn said taking a few chips and stuffing his face. "I mean really, I am the luckiest guy in the whole world!" he flopped onto the couch and stared at the TV.

_**On the Tv…**_

_Raven was on her bed staring at a clock. The clock hit 12:00 AM. It was her birthday and she wasn't exactly happy about it. Suddenly she heard a sound outside of her dismal room._

"_Who's there?" she asked in a monotone voice. She walked out of her room and made her way to the living room. (scary music) Raven walked through the automatic door into the large living room when suddenly…_

"_SURPRISE!" All the Titans yelled. _

"_YAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Raven jumped back a few steps. She transformed into her soul form and went through the ground._

"_Raven?" asked Robin quizzically._

"_It's just us, your friends, with warm wishes for the day of your birth!" said Starfire._

_Raven popped up out of the ground in a fury._

"_How did you know it was my birthday?" _

_**Back to the REAL story**_

"Dudes this is the best episode yet!" said Weiss stuffing a bunch of err… snack foods into his mouth.

"Glurg, glurg, Blue Bird to Computer Geek, pass the salsa, over." said Vaughn into his hand.

"Slurp, slurp, Computer Geek to Blue Bird, get your own! over." answered Marshall.

Suddenly, Sydney stomped into the room with a disgusted look on her face. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS STILL WATCH CARTOONS!" yelled Sydney.

"Gurgle, gurgle, Blue Bird to Phoenix want a chip?" asked Vaughn stupidly. Sydney threw chip into his face and sat down next to him. "Come on Phoenix, join us!" reasoned Vaughn.

"You guys are drunk." sighed Sydney as she looked at some beer cans. Vaughn was staring at her with those green eyes and she thought _Oh whatever, I'll just have a little fun…_ "Marshall, I mean Computer Geek hand me one of those beers you got there." said Sydney.

"Err… okay Phoenix." said Marshall. He handed a beer can to her.

"Here's to having some fun before we have to kill Lauren 99 more times," with that Syd took a large gulp.

"Yay, go Sydney!" screamed Weiss, forgetting to use codenames.

Unknown to all of them Nadia was hiding behind the couch and video taping the whole thing for future blackmail.

"He, he… I am so evil…" whispered Nadia.

**Meanwhile…**

Lauren stepped out of a weapon store with every torture device you could think of in her grubby little hands.

"I'm gonna get those bitches and have Vaughn marry me again so I can gloat at Sydney's corpse!" cackled the insane Lauren, forgetting that Vaughn had also signed his name on her sad tombstone. Cackling even more, Lauren headed to Sydney's house which she found the location for in a phone book. You would think the CIA would be a little more careful, eh? With all of her cackling, Lauren didn't even notice as she knocked over a familiar pasty faced moron. Oh no… it's…

"Hi are you that girl that I resurrected at the cemetery last night?" asked Paigeriffic as she got up from the ground, not noticing that she had landed on some dog poop that was now on her butt.

"Err, probably since I was dead," said Lauren actually sounding sane for once.

"Oh cool!" cried Paige. She hugged our little deranged maniac. "Anyway, I came to teach you some magic!"

"Why?" asked Lauren dropping her torture devices to the ground.

"Because I want you to help me kill my sisters so I can take over the world!" replied Paige stupidly.

"Hmm…" pondered Lauren _Ok I can get this ugly witch to teach me magic then I can get her to help me kill Sydney and all of her little buddies, then I can marry Vaughn again, then I can kill her, take her magic, get her sisters to join me, so I can take over the world! _Thinking really far ahead Lauren agreed to Paiger's offer. "Ok I accept!" she shook Paige's hand that happened to be full of dog poo from the ground. Lauren didn't notice because she was too busy thinking of her master plan.

"Great! Oh by the way I'm Paige Halliwell! I'm half witch and half whitelighter!" said Paige. Who conveniently did not notice the camera crew a little whiles a way taping the whole thing.

"Err… Hi…" said Lauren coming to her senses.

"Well come on let's go teach you magic!" said Paige. And with that she orbed out with Lauren.

_Damn! I FORGOT MY TORTURE DEVICES_! thought Lauren, starting to cry.

**Back At Syd's house a few hours later…**

"Crack, crack Phoenix to Blue Bird, target may be hiding in the kitchen, over." Sydney said into a walkie talkie. All of them had protective gear on along with loaded paint ball guns. Sydney had on red gear, Vaughn had blue, Marshall had green, and Weiss had yellow. Nadia had… none…

"Slurp, slurp Blue Bird to Phoenix we're moving in, over." answered Vaughn loading his paintball gun to the full amount. Apparently they found what Nadia was doing and are now trying to get her.

"Crack, slurp Phoenix to Computer Geek move in on the left, over." Sydney whispered into her walkie talkie. Just then she saw a shadow in the closet. "OPEN FIRE!" Sydney yelled as she shot tons of paint balls at the closet which closed really quickly.

**In Closet**

_SHIT! _thought Nadia. She closed the door quickly as she heard tons of paint balls hit the door. _This is not good… _She clutched a tape in her hand that had tons of black mail she could use. She grinned at her treasure.

"I'll just hide this in here…" whispered Nadia. She tucked the priceless object in some clothes and revealed a conveniently placed paintball gun, tons of ammo, and some purple protective gear. "Oh… this is gonna be fun… She took the gun and loaded it quickly. "Phoenix" was gonna be in for a BIG surprise.

**Back With Syd…**

"Phoenix to Blue Bird, TARGET SIGHTED!" Sydney laughed and stopped her fire. She stalked her prey to the door. "THERE"S NO RESISTANCE TARGET!" yelled Sydney as she opened the door… BAM, BAM, BAM! A purple clad Nadia came out shooting her paint ball gun. Unfortunately, Sydney was able to dodge just in time. She kicked down a desk and hid behind it.

"Phoenix, there is NO ESCAPE NOW!" yelled Nadia firing like crazy.

"Crack, crack, Phoenix to everyone I need backup, over!" Sydney yelled into her walkie talkie.

"Munch, munch, Blue Bird to Phoenix, we'll come after we're done eating, over." replied Vaughn as he munched on something.

"Damn bastards!" yelled Sydney or "Phoenix" into the device. "Guess I'm going solo on this one…" with that she leapt up from her cover and started shooting at Nadia and successfully hitting her sister. "YEAH!" Sydney screamed triumphantly before hiding behind the desk again.

"DAMMIT!" screamed Nadia as she whipped some red paint off her face. "PHOENIX, YOU ARE SOOOOOOOO GONNA GET IT NOW!" Nadia cackled looking evilly at the now painted desk. She ran behind the table and fired like mad only to find it… empty.

"PHOENIX WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!" screamed Nadia. She looked around trying to find her clever sister but was suddenly hit by a large barrage of paint balls from behind!

"Right here!" laughed Sydney after firing the rest of her paintballs each one hitting its target. But before Sydney could run and find a place to reload Nadia began firing like mad getting Sydney covered in paint as well.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Sydney screamed while running for her life from a crazed Nadia that was following her.

"YEAH YOU JUST TRY AND RUN PHOENIX!" cackled Nadia as she ran along firing her paint ball gun at the same time. Eventually the two sisters reached the kitchen and saw all the guys eating Chinese food. Sydney stopped running and stared at her "team."

"Would you like to join me in the killing of these men?" asked Syd suddenly as she reloaded her gun again and glared at them.

"Sure, why not?" answered Nadia thinking it would be fun to team up with her sister to hurt the guys that didn't come get covered in paint also. She also reloaded her guns and picked up the guys' guns before they could reach them.

_We are so dead… _thought they guys as the dropped their chop sticks.

"I suggest you run," said Sydney calmly as she raised her now fully loaded gun at the dead men.

"RUN FOR YOU LIFE!" yelled Vaughn as he grabbed Weiss and Marshall and headed to the guest room. By the time they got there they were covered in paint but they managed to close the door before the two crazed girls got into the room. They listened at the door and heard them scheming. But they couldn't here what they were scheming…

"Darn I wish I had my paintball gun!" said Vaughn switching on a TV that was there. And look what was on! TEEN TITANS!

"Now we're locked in here but, at least we have a TV!" said Weiss plopping himself down on the bed.

"Well I have this thing right here that causes electric shock, maybe I can throw it out the door and it can get them." said Marshall.

"Isn't that… dangerous?" asked Vaughn looking a little worried.

"No, it just knocks them out." answered Marshall starting to get a little too engrossed in the TV.

After a few minutes of talking they heard a strange sound… Paige and Lauren appeared in a blue light right next to the TV and stared at them.

"Revenge is sweat, ain't it hun!" yelled Lauren as she started to say a spell. Marshall threw the shocker thing impulsively at the unwelcome guests while Nadia and Sydney came in with a giant bucket of water soaking them thoroughly. Unfortunately for Lauren and Paige this caused a larger shock then it was supposed to do and this blew up the TV and killed Lauren again along with Paige. The witch is dead! ALL HAIL!

"Whoops…" said Nadia as she looked at the two corpses on the ground.

"Well, at least Lauren's dead… Again…" sighed Syney.

Vaughn could be heard whimpering under the bed but low and behold here comes Lauren again! Just like that, Lauren's corpse got back up and yelled "98 more times before I'm truly dead again!" before running away. Fortunately Paige was dead forever! ALL HAIL!

"This is so weird…" sighed Sydney. She got out a real gun and started to chase after Lauren.

TBC

**A/N: **I had a lot of fun writing that :D


	3. Third Killing: Marshmellow Vat

**A/N: **Yes I know what you're thinking… WHY IS SHE UPDATING THIS MORE THAN A YEAR LATER! Well… I dunno. Saw the series finale. Was like oo and ? at the same time. And I saw an epi of season 6 just to see Gina Torres again just cuz she's a BDH from Firefly/Serenity! Hey anyone reading this! You like sci fi? WELL THEN YOU WILL LIKE FIREFLY! Go rent the dvd set or even better. BUY IT! Take my word. THE BEST SERIES EVER! I swear.

**Third Killing: Marshmallow VAT! **

_Knock. Knock. _

_Mmm eh? _Sydney slowly woke up from her sleep to the irritating noise. She turned over and looked at her clock. _4:03 AM. Who the hell would be at the door at this hour? _She rolled over again and put a pillow over her face to block it out.

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

_ARGH! _Sydney wanted to scream. She had ran after that stupid Lauren for 2 hours last night and she wanted her beauty sleep! Not to mention her massive hang over headache from all that beer. She looked at the sleeping log next to her that was Vaughn with envy. _Vaughn you are so lucky you are a heavy sleeper…_

_KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK._

"OKAY, OKAY, I'm COMING!" Sydney yelled out in frustration as she pulled away her bed covers and stood up, trying to shake the sleep off. The sudden loud noise also semi woke up the Vaughn log who groaned out "Ohhh yes, I LIKE FLUFFY BUNNIES!" Before turning over and snuggling into the covers. Sydney stared at him in disbelief before trudging to the door. Finally reaching it after a long walk through her house she growled in frustration. _I am going to give these people a peace of my mind… _

Opening the door she gave them a loud roar of "WHO IN THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU WANT!" She panted with rage as she stared at two darkened figures.

"Um, we're very sorry to disturb you but is this the Bristow residence?" asked one of the figures.

"YES! Now if you're selling something I'm NOT INTERESTED and…"

"No, no! We were just looking for our sister Paige and we um… heard she was coming here…" Answered one of the figures as they stepped into the door light revealing themselves to be Piper and Phoebe.

Sydney's face immediately paled as the grogginess left her. They had identified that girl as Paige Halliwell last night before sending her to the morgue with a note that said "Suicide victim. Killed herself because she thought she was too ugly to look at."

"Oh…" Sydney let out a long sigh. _What am I going to tell them? I'm sorry, we were drunk last night and we accidentally electrocuted your sister! _Somehow, she didn't think that was going to work. "Well… It's true she WAS here but… Um… I'm very sorry but there was an… an accident…" Sydney said slowly as she twiddled her thumbs nervously.

"An accident?" asked Piper, looking slightly panic stricken.

"Well you see… your sister, well she… um… got electrocuted…" Sydney slowly blurted out looking more nervous by the second.

"She's… Dead!" Phoebe gasped. Both were looking a might sad.

"I'm sorry…" Sydney sighed. "We really didn't mean to…"

"My God," gasped Phoebe.

Sydney cringed and prepared for the worst...

"ARE YOU KIDDING!" Phoebe smiled while Piper started laughing. She came up and hugged a very bewildered Sydney. "This is GREAT! THANK YOU SO MUCH!"

"Wha-what!" Sydney stammered as Phoebe stepped away again.

"Oh damn, we've been trying to get rid of her for YEARS!" explained Piper, wiping away a tear of joy. "She was HORRIBLE! You have no idea."

"That damn Paige used to steal our socks. SOCKS! Of all things. So when we'd wake up in the morning and get into clothes ALL of our socks would be GONE! Just like that!" Phoebe lamented looking thoroughly disgusted at the memory.

"We could've killed her any time but we would've gotten in trouble by the police and the "powers that be" and all that crap." said Piper. "So we give you thanks from the bottom of our hearts!" Piper shook Sydney's hand vigorously.

"Yes, you have basically given us heaven; A life without Paige!" Phoebe exclaimed dreamily. "Now we can use that spell she had and bring back Prue!"

"Yeah! Good idea sistah!" Piper answered, giving Phoebe a high-five. She turned back to a gaping Sydney and said, "If you need anything, ANYTHING at all just come by our big pink mansion and we can help! By the way, if you didn't know my named Piper Halliwell and this is Phoebe. Hope to see you again!" The both hugged her again for good measure and skipped away from her house.

Sydney simply stared at the two, mouth agape until they left in their car.

**Back With Lauren…**

_Ahhh… YES my plan is going to be PERFECT! _Lauren was currently in a Marshmallow Factory. The Fluffy Bunny Marshmallow factory to be exact. She's standing next to a giant vat of marshmallow goop laughing like the deranged maniac that she is.

"Muahahaha! Yes, mine is an EVIL laugh! This is my most genius plan yet!" She chuckled some more. _After researching my targets THOROUGLY I have found a weakness! Nadia's cookie obsession! With cookies as my hostages and this marshmallow vat of doom I will TAKE OVER THE WORLD! _Lauren started laughing so madly she keeled over onto the ground. "And of course… I will have my honey bunny Vaughn back! Yeah, I know his weakness too! FLUFFY BUNNY MARSHMELLOWS MUAHAHAHA! _Now _to start! PHASE ONE OF THE PLAN!" Lauren got up and ran out of the factory.

**Back At Syd's place…**

Sydney was still standing at her doorstep. Mouth still agape, Sydney walked back into her house and closed the door. "That. Was. So. WEIRD!" exclaimed Sydney as she sank into one of her couches. She sighed and laid down. _Why can't my life be normal for once? I just want a simple life while being a spy is that so much to ask? _She realized she was not going to get to sleep after that so she went to the kitchen and turned on the coffee machine.

"What was all that about?" asked Nadia as she walked into the kitchen. "Thanks for waking me up by the way." She sat down on a kitchen table chair. Sydney growled at her before answering.

"Well you know that girl that we electrocuted along with Lauren?"

"Yeah? The ugly one we sent to the morgue with a suicide letter?"

Sydney gave her a look that was the equivalent to a 'duh." "Well the people at the door were her sisters." Sydney sat down across from Nadia and rubbed her temples. The headache was starting to kill her.

"Really…" Nadia looked worried and interested at the same time. "What'd they say?"

"Well… weirdly, morbidly, sadly, whatever way you put it, they were really happy."

"Happy? Really. She must've been a real bitch! Also, when they were doing the autopsy it looked like she dyed her hair 4 different colors 4 different times! Black to red to light blonde and back to black! And the fact that we can TELL she did that is just plain sad." Nadia chuckled and took some cookies out of her beloved cookie jar and went to get some milk from the refrigerator.

"Oh yeah. They kept going on about how she kept stealing their socks." Sydney rolled her eyes at the thought. "Oh and there's more. They're witches." Sydney had seen so many weird Rambaldi things on spy work that supernatural things didn't really faze her anymore. Same went for Nadia.

"Witches? eh?" Nadia sat down and began munching on a cookie. Nadia loved cookies. She loved them so much you could call her obsessed. So when Lauren suddenly breaks through the window screaming like a banshee and runs up to the kitchen table and snatches her plate of cookies from her you'd know she be pissed.

"YOU FRIGGIN SON OF A BITCH GIVE ME MY DAMN COOKIES BACK!" Nadia screamed bloody murder running at Lauren attempting to tackle her into the ground.

Sydney immediately took a gun out of a kitchen drawer and pointed it at Lauren as well.

Lauren put her hand up. "Ah, ah, ah Nadia. You wouldn't want me to hurt one of these babies would you?" She picked up one of her cookies and held it in front of her mouth.

Nadia stopped dead in her tracks. "NO! You wouldn't!"

"Yes, I would. Now, if you don't tell Sydney there to put down her gun that she's pointing at me there will be some cookie torture to be had!" Lauren waved the poor hostage chocolate chip in her hand warningly.

"SYD PUT THE GUN DOWN! SHE'S SERIOUS!" Nadia practically cried as the cookie came closer and closer to Lauren's lips.

"NADIA IT'S A FRIGGIN COOKIE!" Sydney yelled in disbelief at her sister and did not put the gun down.

"But SYDNEY! It's Mr. Chocolate Chip!" Nadia practically whimpered

"Oh geez… I'm going to really regret this later…" Sydney put the gun down slowly in a pissed off way. She just did not want to see Nadia lose her dignity over a cookie. No one deserved that… even Nadia.

"Aww, that's a good little Sydney! Now, if you two ever want to see these cookies again you will come to the Fluffy Bunny Marshmallow Factory in one hour. If you don't show up… well. Let's just say the cookies will not be having a fun time." Lauren cackled before jumping through the window again and running away.

"…"

"…"

Both Sydney and Nadia were at a loss for words. Of course until Sydney decided to yell.

"WHY IS MY LIFE SO GODDAMN WEIRD!"

**At The Fluffy Bunny Marshmallow Factory…**

"YES!" Lauren yelled to her captive cookies. "My plan has worked perfectly!" Any minute now those two idiots will come barging in here to save you! But when they least expect it… I'll PUSH THEM INTO THE MARSHMALLOW VAT! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!" The insane lady laughed again until she heard the bang of the doors. "Ahh… here they are now!" She picked up a cookie from the tray and held it over the marshmallow vat as the two sisters came into view. "Looking for me bitches!"

"Oh my god! SHE HAS MR. MACADAMIA NUT! NOOOOOOOO!" Nadia cried and practically started groveling. "I'll do anything! Just don't drop him!" Sydney rolled her eyes at her sister and shook her head in embarrassment.

"Anything, hmm?" Lauren smirked as she thought up a billion things for both of them to do. _Well first I can get them to stuff ice cream down there pants and then..._

While the our crazy idiot was contemplating this she didn't notice as Sydney walked up to her, took the cookie out of her hand and justly pushed her over the edge into the boiling hot marshmallow vat.

_Oh yes and then I can… Wait… Why am I falling? AHHHH! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOT! _Lauren hit the surface of the extremely hot goop and promptly screamed. "OOOWWWWWWW THE PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN! IT BUUUUURNS!" After about 5 minutes of agony Lauren slipped under the goop but not before she yelled "97 MORE TIMES UNTIL I'M DEAD BITCHES!" So, Lauren was dead again and the cookies were saved!

Sydney took the plate of cookies down to Nadia who promptly hugged her sister with thanks and hugged her plate of cookies. "Oh I'm SOOO sorry cookies! I'll never let anything happen to you again!"

Sydney simply stared at her and shook her head again as she led her sister out of the factory and back home.

**Back At Syd's House…**

"Man, I'm glad that's over!" Nadia sighed as they walked back into the house. Nadia quickly took her cookies into the kitchen and put them back into her jar before coming back into the living room with Sydney.

"Nadia."

"Yeah Syd?"

"I think you have a problem…"

"A PROBLEM!"

"Yes I think we're going to need get you to a psychiatrist or something because you NEED HELP!" Sydney exclaimed as she sunk into her comfy couch.

"Ok so maybe I'm a little cookie obsessed…" Nadia replied. Sydney gave her the 'duh!" look again and she continued. "Okay… I admit I need help."

"Good! That's the first step! Admitting your problem now…"

"But before we start that… I'm just gonna get one more cookie!" Nadia ran back into the kitchen as Sydney just sighed in exasperation.

What Nadia saw when she got to the kitchen was not pretty. There was Vaughn in pajamas eating all of her cookies right in front of her! He had a milk mustache and chocolate all over his face as well as a guilty look.

"He, he… Nadia!" Vaughn laughed nervously trying to wipe off his moustache with his sleeve. By now Nadia was fuming and you would not be surprised if you saw smoke coming out of her ears.

"VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHN!"

**TBC…**

**A/N: **Fun stuuuuuuff! More craziness coming soon! (hopefully!)


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